Well, goodness, gracious me!

She DID sleep through perfectly last night - she even slept past 7am which is unusual for her. (She was a bit clingy this morning going to the childminder and had a bit of a meltdown before bed last night, though, so the long sleep might mean she's coming down with some disease.).

I, on the other hand, woke up more or less on the hour from 2am to listen out for her. Now I must sleep train myself.

Oh, and I fully expect her to wake up in the night tonight so maybe it will be a case of "here we go again" for sleep training. My fingers are crossed and I do hold some hope that she'll sleep again but the hopes are not high.

Oh no, not again!

Oh dear, it does look like I might bite the bullet and try and sleep train Z again. She's woken up in the night for at least the last 3 nights in a row and I think I am going to try to break the habit. She's been demanding "out" and "daddy" whenever I go in and I have been taking her out of the cot, telling her it's time to sleep and sitting down and giving her a breastfeed having told her she's going back in the cot afterwards. She hasn't fussed about going back in the cot once she's had her feed so that's something, I suppose.

I am trying to decide whether my strategy should be not to take her out of the cot at all and just talk soothingly and tell her it's time to go asleep or to do it one step at a time - out of the cot but no feed tonight and see how that goes and then not take her out of the cot if she is still waking after that. Hmm...if I don't take her out of the cot, I am pretty sure there will be loud protests but it might be better to just go for it since I imagine she would protest at not being given a feed once she has been taken out of the cot. Gah.

With a bit of luck, she'll sleep through perfectly tonight and no training will be necessary but I'm not holding my breath!

Another update

Well, it's been a while and I am shocked that I didn't post during October since my attempts at conquering the IPC were very successful...ok, moderately successful...during that month. I actually gave up chocolate for a few weeks as I had got into the habit of buying it and gobbling it and not really savouring it. At the end of my self-imposed chocolate fast, we were in London and I indulged in hot chocolate Milano from Caffe Nero which is just very, very good.

I am now recommencing a chocolate fast as we are going to London again in a couple of weeks and I want to appreciate the hot chocolate Milano as fully this time as I did last time. Mmmmmmmmmm.

As for the beginning of the end of breast-feeding. Well, that didn't happen although the few missed feeds meant that my left breast went into weaning mode and is now, in the words of Z, "ack" and "no nice". I did Google this phenomenon and, apparently, breast milk can become salty when you cut down on feeds. I do want to wean her off but I am hoping it will happen semi-naturally. For example, I am heading away in March for a couple of nights without her and I am wondering if this will cause the other breast to produce salty, weaning milk so that she won't like it when I come back. We shall see. In the meantime, I must confess, that after 'plane journeys and time differences resulting in night wakings on holidays, I am back to giving her a little feed if she wakes in the night. It is infrequent so I don't really have the resolve to go through the middle-of-the-night crying, I think, especially when I feel the end is in sight.

And onto the next diary

I have strayed somewhat from the title of the blog. The Infinite Passion for Chocolate (IPC for short) is far from conquered, barely even restrained but I have taken up the challenge of a half-marathon to counteract it to some extent. I also chose a (double chocolate chip) cookie over a chocolate bar for my sweet fix today so, y'know, progress.

The sleep-training was successful. After my trip away, she still slept through the night apart from on rare occasions now which I put down to teething or the weather or something and secretly pray that it's not the start of a new pattern. So far, the prayers have been successful. Not bad for a non-believer.

Her morning routine has changed in the last few days too. She used to be standing in the cot and crying in her attention-required cry when I went to get her in the mornings (and I would always feel a little guilty at letting the cry escalate to her "no, come now!" cry rather than going in at the first sound of the "hey, I'm awake, where are you" cry). In the last few mornings, she's been calling, rather than crying for me so I hear "mama mama mama" and when I go in, she's lying in the cot waiting for me, sometimes face down. Odd child.

However, the point of my return here was none of this. I come to report on what may be the beginning of the end of breast-feeding for Z and me. Last night, she didn't ask for it before bed-time (this is the second time, only, that she hasn't had it when I've been there) so I didn't offer. Ok, she did wake up a bit upset at around 11.30pm and I ended up giving her a feed when she asked for it (but she didn't ask immediately on being cuddled) but then, this morning, she hadn't called for me by the time I was getting up so I began getting up and was dressed when I went in to her. She didn't ask for a breast-feed and I didn't offer. Is it the beginning of the end?

I don't think it will be as easy as all that, though. For example, on weekend mornings and the days I don't work, I don't think I will be able to resist the extra lie-in that those breast-feeds buy us. And I am not 100% committed to stopping yet so if/when she asks for some this evening, she'll get it!

Night 9 of sleep training - Can Dad do it?!

Right, so last night, my beloved husband was home in time for bedtime. He said he'd do it and I was reluctant.

Me: "You have to follow the rules"
Him: "I know"
Me: "So you have to leave the room and not pick her up"
Him: "Yes, I know"
Me: "But you didn't do it the other night"
Him: "I know but that was by choice"
Me: "But there is NO choice, you HAVE to do it" (obsessive, moi?!)
Him: "Your faith in me is touching"

Anyway, I handed the baby over and gave them time to get upstairs and into her room and then followed and sat out of sight to watch progress! He did well...she settled after the second return and we went downstairs, most pleased with ourselves (Ok, so he hadn't put her in her sleeping bag or turned on the monitor but they are minor details!) only to be told by my sister about 5 minutes later that she was crying. Up we went again but she was easily settled and husband was most impressed.

She woke again at 4.30am and seemed to need settling so I went in and, sure enough, she was standing up. I lay her back down and she was settled within a minute or two but I am hoping this won't be a pattern for long.

Once more, she happily played in her cot for a bit so I didn't have to get her the moment she woke up.

However, tomorrow night I am leaving for 3 nights so all my work may be undone. I expect to return to a clingy baby who may not be so easily settled.

Ho hum.

Night 8 of sleep training

Hmm...Monday night, she fell asleep breast-feeding again so I couldn't tell whether the training had worked.

She did wake at 4.30ish but I let her settle herself and she did so quite easily.

Even better, although she woke at about 6am, she didn't kick up a big fuss and happily played in her cot (with the odd whinge) until I went to get her at 6.45.

Night 7 of sleep training

Bedtime
After 3 nights of her falling asleep while breast-feeding, I was wondering what this evening would bring. I didn't give her a bath 'cause we were a bit late from a Sunday afternoon of family gallivanting. She didn't fall asleep breast-feeding so it was with trepidation that I brought her up to her cot.

She was not too impressed to be put in the cot but I gave her cuddles and put her musical toy playing and she seemed sleepy when I lay her down. I said "night night" and left the room...in about 30 seconds, the crying was getting loud and I could tell she was standing up so I went in again. Gave her a hug, lay her back down (musical toy still playing) and stroked her head and put her sleepy teddy beside her and she settled. I said "night night" and left the room and...silence! I stayed up there for a few minutes, busying myself with making the beds (slummy mummy making beds at night, not in the morning!) and still no noise.

I went to look in her room to see if I could tuck her in and my heart leapt into my mouth when she swivelled her head and looked at me. Oh no, had I ruined it?! I quickly turned around and tip-toed out of the room fearing the worst...but no, she must have turned over and gone back to settling. I was amazed! Had this sleep training worked? Watch this space!

Night 6 of sleep training

Erm...she fell asleep breast-feeding again.
This time she woke up at 5.30am. Sigh. And on a Sunday too! I don't think we had any chance of getting her back to sleep at that hour...I think that if she wakes earlier than 5.30, I will make an effort to get her to sleep again but I'm not sure if it's worth it any later than that.

Night 5 of sleep training

Erm...she fell asleep during her breast-feed and stayed asleep 'til 6.50 or so. I can't really take credit for sleep training her but it was good anyway! Still, though, I can't be expected to have woken her up only to put her asleep again...can I?

I am spoiled after 3 nights of uninterrupted sleep - now I am yearning for her to sleep past seven!

Night 4 of sleep training

Bedtime
Well, she had a bath and then fell asleep during her breast-feed. Ho hum. I guess she was very tired after her late night last night. She's in her cot now..I shall update about "night-time" later....

Nope, back to bedtime 'cause she woke up half an hour after being put in the cot. I went up and gave her a hug, in the cot, settled her a bit and left the room for a few seconds. When I could hear that she was getting wound up and standing up, I went back in to settle her a bit again..and so on. She was getting towards sleepiness when her dad came home and said he would take over. Hurrah! I explained what I was doing and went downstairs. I could hear poor Z crying and crying through the monitor - there were few let ups and I couldn't hear her dad leaving the room. Hmmm. Sure enough, when I went up to investigate, he was in the room and she was crying so I pushed a note under the door to tell him he had to leave the room! He came down a few moments later defeated. Tut tut - no staying power! I resumed sleep training duty and she was asleep within 10 or 15 minutes. Yay.

Night-time
Time spent awake by me in the middle of the night - NONE!

Here's the good bit - she slept through the night and didn't wake 'til 6.50am. Yay! I think we are getting places with this. Fingers crossed!

Night 3 of sleep training

Time spent awake in the middle of the night - NONE...but she was transferred from car to cot at midnight and took about 3 bouts of exiting and entering to settle for the night. Probably about 5 minutes each go.

Well, as night 3 was a night out (baby's first gala dinner! The other guests were clearly veering between thinking "ah cute baby!" and "why the hell would you bring your baby to a gala dinner!?"), sleep training didn't really happen although when I transferred her to her cot when we got home, I did insist she stayed in the cot and she fell asleep and stayed asleep 'til 6.15 so that was ok, I guess.

Night 2 of sleep training, Tuesday 9th of June 2009

Bedtime
Bath, only took one side when breast-feeding and had to be encouraged to breast-feed at all. I was in need of relief as after the feed at 5am, I didn't feed her when she woke up at 6.45 and my right breast was reaching beach ball proportions! I let her toddle around past her usual time of 7pm and made bedtime noises - "Fait dodo, Z?", that kind of thing!

Brought her up to bed, into sleeping bag, a moment or two of holding her and then into the cot where she seemed happy enough. Left the room. Crying started. Went back in, calmed her and left again. Calming her involved big hugs of her without taking her out of the cot, a bit of distraction and, towards the end, lying her down and stroking her and giving her sleepy bear. Repeat, repeat, repeat. This time she did fall asleep without me being in the room. Result! It took about 45 minutes which was about the same as last night but the crucial difference is I was not in the room for the falling asleep moment.

During the evening, I heard her stir and make some noises through the baby monitor. I took it as a good sign that she didn't wake up and seemed to be settling herself.

Night-time
Time spent awake by me in the middle of the night: 1 hour approx
Z woke at about 1am...12.56am to be precise. I went in, determined not to feed her or take her out of the cot and I didn't. Hurrah. I think it helped that there was no-one else home so I was not worried about disturbing anyone with her crying. She did cry. Hard. I patted and soothed and sang and hugged when I went in but I did leave the room between calmings. She seemed to drift off and I went back to my bed, snuggled down...and Z woke up. I went back in, determined not to feed or pick her up. This time..though my memory is a little hazy on the details...I did stay in the room for her to fall asleep. I sat and looked at her in the cot, reached out a hand to pat her when she sat up but she fell asleep again and slept 'til 7am. Yay.

Night 3 shall be a shambles as we are going out and she is coming too. Night 4 shall be tricky 'cause her fantastabulous father will be back in the house. While I think it would be good for him to be involved in the night-time stuff, I am not convinced he will stick it out without picking her up. Ho hum.

Never mind the chocolate, I'm now working on my infinite passion for sleep

Right, rather than post rambling and non-advice-seeking posts on my mum's forum, I have decided to have a diary documenting my attempts to help little baby Z self settle again so that bed-times are easy and night-times are quiet.

I don't know how long she has been consistently waking at night now. It's insidious - it happens one night and I discount it as a one-off and then it happens another night and I have some other explanation - loud dogs, noisy wind - and before I know it, it's been a whole week of night wakings and seems to be a habit.

So - Night 1 of sleep training, Monday 8th of June, 2009

Bedtime
No bath, only took one side when I gave her her evening breast-feed.
Brought her upstairs, put her in the cot, soothed her a little, kissed her head and left the room. Cue crying. Went back in, soothed her a little, kissed her head and left the room. Cue crying. Repeat for a while. Sobs die down when I have left the room. Quiet spaces between crying...is this it? No! Crying escalates. I go back in, stroke her and soothe her 'til she is asleep.

Nighttime
Time spent awake by me in the middle of the night: 45 minutes, approx
Z woke at 4.30am. I went in, determined not to pick her out of the cot. Determination failed within about 20 seconds. I picked her out of the cot, determined not to feed her, she pointed to the door but we didn't leave the room. I held her and sang and patted and sshhed and she fell asleep. Result! Put her back in the cot, still asleep. Crept back to bed triumphant. Snuggled into bed. Z woke up. Went back in. Picked her up. Brought her into our bed. Sang a bit. Determined not to feed her. Fed her. She fell asleep and slept til 6.45. This is good going by recent standards so I count it as a small victory.

The infinite passion won last week's battle

Well, large quantities of chocolate were consumed by me last week but I am not falling at the first hurdle, not me!

Good things that I have done since my previous post are running into work and trying on a pair of jeans (thinspiration, doncha know?).

For me, it's all about finding a balance between exercise and eating which essentially means I just have to exercise more since I have a nice balance of mostly eating what I want, when I want which I wouldn't mind maintaining. In the interests of exercising more, I have committed to running 4 races this summer - a 10km in June, 5 miles in July, 10 miles in August and 13.1 miles in September. September counts as summer for 3 reasons:
1. The weather here in Dublin often seems to be at its nicest in September, even after a miserable summer
2. I went to a university where the academic year started in October, not September
3. It makes me be able to call this summer my "Summer of Running" rather than my "Summer and a bit of Autumn of running".

Wimping out already?

Even as I type, I have the foil wrapper from an Easter egg, lying empty, accusing at my side.

It was dark chocolate so it was medicinal. Definitely.

Later in the weekend, you can expect to see a photo of my mid-section as it billows and blubbers over a pair of jeans. It is to be a "before" photo.

For now, I am off to strengthen my resolve.